I have always tried to understand people, to categorize the world. Trying very hard to find answers to questions nobody seems to ask anymore and to fit this in my point of view of the world. I’m trying very hard not to find answers that please me but more the truth even when I know I won’t like the way this is going. I have met friends who categorize people in to 4 till 7 categories. I never disagreed but their categorization wasn’t the whole truth and therefore not what I was seeking for. How could I describe the world full of billions of people without actually name the word?
Until yesterday night when I was still mad because of my roommates in Guadalajara and while I was trying to console myself and prepare myself to go home, I thought:
“I was designed this way. If people don’t get the structure, don’t like the material or the color, it’s not my fault after all. Because there are people out there who will see my design and scream: “That’s exactly what I was looking for.”
So yes, people in all the diversity around this world, are like fashion. From the first look to the first touch, to the denial, the second look and the afterwards regret of not buying that “dress/jacket etc…” to the moment where some of us are lucky and go on with our lives and have the chance of seeing that same exact fashionable finding again and of course throw money at the cashier at that exact second.
We were all designed the way we are. Let’s leave the mysterious designer out of the equation for now and also ethical questions.
Imagine going into a mall. We are overwhelmed with tons of stores, thousands of clothing. What is the offer?
“Love at first sight or the eye roll”
As we go through life and play this kind of survival game with one another, the first thing we see of one another, is the way we look. The color of our hair, the face, the shape and so much more. And of course the color of our skin. And within milliseconds our brain tells us if we like this person, based on what we see, which I call –Love at first sight- or if we roll our eyes in the inside and turn our heads to the next person. When I enter a store, I’m not capable of running to a special thing or go without any plan to any stock and try to find something good. I enter, I select a nice point and let my eyes hush through the offer before I begin to select. Sometimes I enter and exit within seconds, without even a touch of anything.
“The touch of observations”
There we are, seeing a lot of people we like, because why should we make the effort to go to the stock full of clothing we apparently won’t like? And as we walk to the first clothing, the touch and therefore the material is the second thing we consider. And the taste in material depends on what we are looking for in the moment. A friend? A lover? An affair? The person for the rest of our lifes? And this also determines the following steps. This step is the step where we make the most mistakes resulting from the wrong assumption of “Love at first sight or the eye roll”.
I would never consider anything with much cleavage or bright/neon colors. My prejudices and my style whatever exactly that may be. But the touch and the material, may teach me otherwise and I will go on. Prejudices kind of ruin things. There are hundreds of different materials for clothing. Some are so detailed and rich of resources that they cost a fortune. Some of them just imitate that look with cheaper materials – and the same price or a realistic one. Others are made with not that much effort in the materials, but still look good and so on… Different materials, different ways of imitation, different ways of work, different designer or maybe the same one in different moods. And thank god for our different taste in things. The first touch, says it all. After our eyes lead us to this spot, we reach out our hand, hoping to find exactly what we are looking for. In case of my pullover, a warm and very soft thing, to turn into my favorite this winter. From there on we decide. Are our expectations doomed to be disappointed? After all, the eyes are not capable of telling us if the wool is itchy or soft after all? Are our expectation going to be met? Did I find what I wanted? Or do we sigh, turn around and start looking for something else? Just in some cases to come back to that pullover and settle because of various reasons?
In case of settlement or joy, we take the pullover to the dressing room. We get rid of the things we have on right now, and try on the new finding. We turn around, swirl, smile, pose and image us wearing it to different occasions. We buy it or we hang it back, because it maybe had some flaws and forget about it or like said before, come back some time later, to eventually buy it. We can be lucky and find it again, in our size or we can be unlucky and someone else snatched the last piece away.
Yes indeed, people and human relationships are like fashion. And because it seems so superficial, we fail to recognize the fact, that we are searching and looking for things, that suites us and our design. Our style, that complements our body, bring us joy and not the fact that we want something that looks good on us from the point of view of others.
Research shows that our brain controls our eyes more than we are aware of. Often we oversee little details for the greater picture. The “eye roll” could be after the trial, the thing our soul needs to be happy. Maybe it will bring out something in us, we never knew was there. And since fashion is subjective, who cares, what other people think? If somebody doesn’t understand why your wedding dress is cut off this way, this color this material, why it has so may little details what sometimes is understood as “kitsch” or “flaw” who really cares? Maybe those “flaws” somebody else despised, are the cherry on the cake for you. This is the dress you decided on. The dress you wanted. The one that gives you the bright and enchanting smile, the warmth and insurance of the life you dreamed about and wanted, at the right moment, when you walk down the aisle.
If no one stretches out to feel your material, to go through the phase of the trial, than others will. There will come a time and someone will. When you get dumped after the buy and rot in the closet, hoping to be picked up again or maybe get donated to a second hand and you feel worthless, there will come someone, who doesn’t have the same standard as the first person and will fall in love with you and give you the worthiness back you deserve.
And even in the stretch of a worst case. When the second hand donates you, let’s say to a third world country. Maybe you will save some kids life, give him warmth on cold days, play with her in the mud, the dirtiness of her streets and her laughter and happiness will bring back your worthiness and bring you hopefully back to life.
Don’t let others determine your worth. Don’t let the uncertainty of life and the circumstances it brings you, destroy your will of fighting, of finding something the thing you were looking for. Your comfort and happiness in life. Don’t start taking their words and their opinion into account of the person you are and start doubting yourself and your achievements.