Fearless

I am so many types of bitches, I lost count.

I am a bitch. Indeed. But please don’t misunderstand this word or my definition of it. I am not a slut. In fact I don’t run around trying to hush male attention. I am not a furious woman. I can be, but I prefer not to let people feel the true sides of my wrath. But still, I prefer to describe me as a bitch. Because that is who I can become. I like to tell people the truth and I like them to know with whom they are engaging. “Hello, my name is Bitch.”

But on the other side I am a Queen. Not a princess, I never wanted to be a princess. Even though I love Disney, being a princess has never been on my agenda. I am a Queen. Graceful, true strength, with a massive crown and a beautiful scepter decorating my hands. Fierce and powerful on the same level as my king. I am the mother of his children, the woman he lays his heads upon. I stand beside him, never behind. His back doesn’t need strengthening. I hold his hand and find solutions for his problems. I care for him and am ready whenever he needs something. I am his woman, there is no place for somebody else. Because after all, I am still a bitch and if people don’t love me I make sure the fear me. Respect can be achieved through different paths. I am in no way spoiled, nor do I wish to be. I spoil myself on occasion. To make one thing clear, my king doesn’t exist. In reality. Yet. That is why I am the Queen. I am able to take care of my kingdom myself.

I am not a princess. I am my own woman. I taught myself the things I need to know to survive. There is nobody else. I don’t have birds and animals of the forest help me dress in the morning. I am fine doing it myself. I don’t have to wait days for men to come build my shelves, remove spiders or fix the leaks in my castle. I don’t waste my hard earned money on going out every day. Food doesn’t just appear on my tables. I cook and am a master chef in that field. I am a care taker and love doing it.

If somebody tells me I can’t do this or that, I just grin and prove to myself that I can indeed do it. I don’t let the world see my weaknesses, only my consultants know where I can be hit the hardest. Those consultants are selected wisely. Of course I made a lot of mistakes during the years with the choices of my consultants. Some clouded my judgement. For some I treated the citizens of my kingdom the worst way I could have, just to give them what they needed. But I have apologized and I think they forgive me. Over the years some have asked for a king, not because they wanted a male ruler. We are fine and happy. But for my own sake. For my happiness. And I tried and failed, so I promised them that we are going to wait. I don’t want to rush this decision anymore. If he comes along and knock on the heavy doors to the castle. Knocks so hard and heavily that walls tumble and the gate melts by his force, I will do the best I can to keep him. Until then, we are going to continue our daily lives and go where the winds leads us.

We are happy. We are content. We have mastered every obstacle so far. We have danced in the rain and cried by sunshine.

“Hello my name is Bitch. I treat myself as a Queen. Because I have learned to not let fear of how people may think about me, see me and judge me, control the way I want to live. If you let my appearance and how you see me decide how you would like to treat me, I won’t do anything to prove your perception wrong. But if you can jump over your own prejudices, I am a coffee junkie and my stomach always has a space reserved for it. Let’s go for a cup and I will introduce you to my kingdom and invite you to my world. I’m sorry…What is your name again?”

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