I make friends easily. When I want to. I can be the nicest person you have ever met. When I want to. You call fall in love me. When I want to. I bring people to laugh. When I want to.
But mostly I don’t want to. People disappoint. People betray and out of my life experiences, I have concluded so many rules and philosophies. I don’t trust people. Most people become overly nice to me after I have done something nice for them.
I can be the center of everywhere I go. But I don’t want to. Sometimes I wish to be invisible, white as snow or black like the night. Shaping myself whenever I want and need to. And then there are times I want to be in the middle. People’s eyes only remaining on me and no one else.
But I have learned that my character doesn’t fit that wish. I’m too harsh, too direct, too loud, too…
I am not sweet and fragile and people don’t have the intuition that I need protection. I really don’t need one, I fight my battles my own. And I love it. But when I have won, I would like somebody on my side to share it with.
But mostly I am invisible. And even when I make friends or acquaintances, I don’t get invited too many things. I am overlooked by my environment and sometimes I dance on tables, sometimes I sit in a beautiful park and write my lines and read my thoughts. Maybe I am just too old fashioned. Maybe I am just not nice enough. Maybe…
Maybe I am just too old for the society game. And maybe deep down, I really don’t care that much because I don’t know boredom. Maybe I love selecting the people I surround myself with so much that being the attention is just a wish born out of circumstancal loneliness.